Stanleyturner

I was sitting at my work desk minding my own business when the phone rang.  I answered it and immediately some lady on the phone started some spiel about a mortgage loan.  I was having trouble understanding her so I asked her what was the point of her call.  She started up again about 2 points below market, blah blah blah.  Well I know that telemarketers are suppose to shut up and never call again if you say the magic words “Put Me on Your Do Not Call List” and I almost invoked those words.  But I felt the need to put a little fear into her.  I work for a DOD agency so I decided to tell her “Do you realize that you have just called a FEDERAL facility?”  She said “oh” and started to say something else when the line went dead.  This made me feel good and I don’t think she will call back.’, ‘

2007-02-07 02:22:32′, ‘

I was talking with a Co-Worker in the hall at work and we noticed a woman walking down the hall with an arm sling on with her hand poking out and a heavily bandaged finger with a metal brace around it. She looked frazzled and said that she was just back from the hospital because she had been bitten by a dog. She said that she was walking her dog this morning and it was attacked by another dog. She put her hand in the middle of it and her finger was mauled. Everyone collected around her and was sympathizing while she pointed out how far down her finger the dog had chomped her. People were asking her questions about if the dogs had had rabies shots and “How big was the attacking dog?”. She looked so sad with her bandaged finger and she kinda reminded me of my sister. I decided to offer her a positive statement to help her attitude on things. I said “It sure is a good thing that they didn’t have to get your finger back from inside the dog’s stomach“. For some reason this caused everyone in earshot to start making all sorts of noises. She was staring at me while holding her sore hand but she did not look sad anymore. So mission accomplished, I went back to my desk to await another opportunity to break up a somber mood.

2006-03-16 02:05:37′,

‘I was at lunch with a number of my co-workers when I brought up “The Shoot” which we hold at the Farm. I mentioned that a number of people come up there to shoot their collections of guns. So, a co-worker starts going on and on about a rifle range he goes to that is SO flexible and lets him shoot as much as he wants for a certain fee. I tried to tell him that people shoot for quite a while at our shoot, but he interrupts me to talk about how great his rifle range is again. So I ask him if his range will let him bring his own targets to the range. He says, of course, they can bring targets for the range. He starts to irritate me so I ask “Do they let you shoot at propane cylinders with tracer rounds?” For some reason, this question caught everybody’s attention at the table and we were the center of  attention. He stammered and said that his range was an indoor range and they probably would not allow it. Now some of my co-workers stare at me at work.

2006-08-15 03:19:17′, ‘

Jim, My biggest brother, sent me a copy of a presentation that he planned to give to a bunch of Mentally Proficient people about a little mathematical trick he created which allows a computer to do a certain calculation hundreds or thousands of times quicker than using the normal way to do a Quaternion thingie. I have pasted the abstract of his presentation below so that everyone can review it and point out to him where he went wrong. Good luck.

An Object-Oriented Operator-Overloaded Quaternion ToolboxBy James D. Turner, Ph.DTexas A&M University, Department of Aerospace Engineering, College Station Texas, 77843

Abstract Follows: A Fortran 95 Object-Oriented Operator-Overloaded Toolbox is presented for automating engineering and scientific applications involving quaternion algebra. The Toolbox supports basic math operations (+,-,,/,*), standard library functions (sin, asin, exp, ln,  .), linear equations, quadratic polynomials, and matrix-vector operations for solving linear matrix equations, matrix inversion, and eigenvalue/eigenvector operations. Extensive use is made operator-overloading and generic operators for automating the often tedious calculations required for manipulating quaternion objects. A further advantage of this approach is that conventional programming language constructs are used for developing math models, which reduces programming errors. Two strategies are presented for enabling matrix capabilities: (1) re-writing core algorithms to reflect the noncommunitive behavior of quaternions, and (2) mapping quaternion matrices to higher-dimensional complex-valued matrices. The aim of the package is to facilitate and encourage further research relying on quaternion algebraic computations for applications in dynamics, control, and optimization. Numerical examples are presented for demonstrating the basic computational capabilities of the software.

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Go Jim .If anyone has any corrections to the above or would like to read the whole presentation. Please let me know.’, ”, 0, ”, ‘publish’, ‘open’, ‘open’, ”, ‘

2006-03-11 21:45:44′, ‘

I had to drive to a meeting so I got a sandwich and a Coke. When I got in the car I loosened the cap so I could take a drink later and put it in the cup holder beside me. As I turned out of the parking lot onto the road. The coke fell against my leg, Started foaming and sprayed coke in my pants pocket and along my leg. I straightened it out and used some of the napkins to wipe up the mess when I came to a stoplight. I tightened the Cap and the cup holder to hold it more securely. Later on in the trip, I turned the other way while merging onto 95. The coke flew out of the cup holder whammed up against the passenger door and started foaming with extreeme prejudice. It was spraying foaming coke on the door, the car seat, my briefcase, and the presentation materials that I was going to hand out at the meeting. I grabbed the spraying coke bottle and put it back in the cup holder while it put more foam all over my right hand. Since I was on the highway there was not much I could do about the mess and my very sticky hand.  I was not happy. While I was cleaning up the mess using Laura’s napkin stash, I noticed a wetness starting to get thru to my butt cheek. When I checked down there I found that the first Coke attack had also created a puddle in my car seat that took a while to get thru to me. I was still not happy. So I used white paper napkins to wipe my black pants to dry them off. This process left a large number of white clumps which stuck to my pants and sort of made them more noticeable. I got to the meeting site and ate my sandwich, but for some reason, I was not very thirsty. I figured the coke had it in for me.’, ‘

2005-11-20 01:49:19′, ‘

This is from an IM session I had with Paul T today.

[11/19 19:58] Stanley_Turner@msn.com: yo

[11/19 19:58] PAUL: I am currently away from the computer.

[11/19 20:13] PAUL: did you here abput dave dimico

[11/19 20:13] Stanley_Turner@msn.com: No what happened?

11/19 20:14] PAUL: rolled his bike. it landed on his legs and broke his ankle

[11/19 20:15] Stanley_Turner@msn.com: His family shure breaks legs with 4traks.

[11/19 20:15] PAUL: yeah

[11/19 20:17] PAUL: dave was getting his deer from the o well stand, while coming back up hit a log. the deer shifted and it rolled

[11/19 20:18] PAUL: he had his radio, called nick up on funks, nick called got us at the cabin, we rushed over there and rolled the bike off of him

[11/19 20:18] PAUL: those radios proved their worth today

[11/19 20:19] Stanley_Turner@msn.com: Ya.

[11/19 20:19] PAUL: he may have nerve damage, as well as his knees were hurt also

[11/19 20:19] PAUL: he is a heavy guy to carry up a 30 degree slope

[11/19 20:20] Stanley_Turner@msn.com: Somebody drove him to hospital or amublance was called?

[11/19 20:20] PAUL: billy drove him

[11/19 20:20] PAUL: robin and brenda met them there. the drs thought that we took a chance by transporting him because of his heart issues

[11/19 20:22] Stanley_Turner@msn.com: What time did it happen?

[11/19 20:22] PAUL: noonThat is all I have so far.Stan’, ‘Dave D. Got Broke’, 0, ”, ‘publish’, ‘open’, ‘open’, ”, ‘

2005-05-27 11:33:14′, ‘

Eddie lost his first tooth yesterday. It was not very traumatic, he bit a popsicle, tooth came loose, little bit of blood and I had to listen to him talk about it for the next 3 hours. The tooth fairy left him some money which he put in his uncle Sam bank. He continued to show me his tooth hole in the morning. He says another tooth is loose. More fun. He lost another Tooth. Now he has lost more teeth than Tyler. Eddie’s winning! ‘,

2005-08-18 03:06:02′, ‘

I know that it is supposed to be career ending to post anything about work in a Blog, but I guess that it is time that I did it. I was quietly minding my own business in my Cubicle at work this morning when I noticed that the top of my right ear was getting very hot. I rubbed on it but could not find anything wrong with the ear, no injuries or bumps. The only thing that I could figure was that maybe somebody, somewhere, was talking about me. There was nothing I could do about it and after about 5 minutes, my ear stopped bothering me and I went on about my day doing work things. In the afternoon a woman, who I barely knew, came into my Cubicle and asked me if my ears had been burning in the morning. I just stared at her and she said that my name had come up in a Program Management meeting and something about me had been discussed for a short while. She wouldn’t tell me what it was about, but for some reason she seeked me out and felt the need to tell me it happened. I informed her that in fact, my ears HAD been burning this morning and it was the right ear. She just stared at me and gave a kind of fake laugh, so I told her that REALLY, my ear had been burning. I was not joking about it. She did not look like she believed me and she left. I don’t think I made a very good impression on her and she was important enough to be sitting in a Program Management meeting. The next time my name comes up in a meeting, I don’t know what she will say about me. But now I know there was a reason for my hot ear. I wish I knew what they had been saying about me.’, ‘

2005-07-08 03:40:13′, ‘

The Fourth of July happened on the North 60. Nick and friends set up 4 tables and kept a constant barrage of Mortars and Helicopters. No injuries were reported, but there were at least 2 fires in the field. Laura abandoned her child in order to run across the field and stomp one of them out. The fire that is, not a child. The pot luck dinner that we brought a fruit salad for never happened but we ate real food anyway because I brought a KFC meal just in case. Chris found a yellow jacket nest in the Basket ball pole and there were attempts to stick fire crackers and bottle rockets in the nest. Gasoline was also poured in the pole but Jeff would not let them light it. Nick burned all the firework trash in the fire pit and we were entertained as mortar shells and rockets blew up in the pit. They look kind of pretty up close. None the less, no injuries were sustained. Steve J. lit some snake cubes which were mostly ignored by all.

Little Eddie and his friend collected rocks from behind the King George pavilion and carried them to the creek and threw them in. They also threw handfuls of the dusty dirt into the air and ran thru the dirt cloud for fun.

Two mice made the mistake of putting their nest in the BBQ grill. When it was lit, they tried to run for it. The first one was chased around the pavilion till it got away in the wood pile. The second one tried to climb a tree. It was doing good until Nick thwaped it with his hand and Big Ed got its tail with his leatherman. He Threw it to the fishes where it swam to shore. When you got away from the fire, the lightning bugs were in all the trees around the cabin area. It looked really cool. Some City girl relatives of Big Ed came to the cabin and had a grand old time screaming at the mice and refusing to use the out house.’, ‘

2005-06-10 14:49:38′, ‘

Just found a product for all the Cabin SUV people it is SprayONMud. If you can’t get to the woods, just spray on some mud so that you can impress your neighbors. Wadda concept. Maybe I should get some for the next raffle.